Welcome to "Listen Up!," Flyby's weekly advice column, written by two jobless, washed-up seniors from their futon in Winthrop.
We rounded up some of your most poignant questions from the past few week and responded with our unfailing wisdom.
Q: I'm a senior and have completed the following: jumping off Weeks, Primal Scream, peeing on John Harvard. Last thing to do is get it on in the stacks of Widener, but I have no boyfriend and no prospects. Any suggestions??
Love,
Suddenly Horny
A: With only a month left to graduation, strategy is key to completing this task. We suggest you target the following groups:
1. Past hookups: Find that guy from your freshmen entryway and tell him you are feeling "nostalgic." Or "suddenly horny."
2. Younger men: There are plenty of freshmen just a few feet from Widener.
3. Librarians: Easy access. Although we don't know where they stand on the sex in the stacks thing.
4. Public records of those convicted of indecent exposure: Self explanatory.
Q: I have a recurring problem where I become friends with a guy, we become pretty close, then it gets awkward because I like hanging out with him, but I'm not looking to take it to the next level. So basically do you have any advice on balancing being close friends with a guy while also ensuring that he doesn't develop feelings for you which would make it weird? PS- I also have a long distance boyfriend.