Oh wait, I'm sorry. There I go assuming Cornell intelligence again. I really have to stop that.

Also, someone has to remind the Big Red Band not to play "Oh Canada" before the game. I understand that Ithaca is so far north that you can't tell whether you're in the U.S. or Canada so you play both anthems just to be safe, but trust me Boston is unmistakably American. The Star Spangled Banner will suffice.

Lastly, when the Harvard starting lineup is announced over the public address system, refrain from chanting "Boring!" and pretending to read a newspaper. You're not fooling anyone. There weren't any comics in the paper.

However, you can keep the end of that tradition, which is crumpling up the paper, usually the Cornell Daily Sun, and tossing it away. That is the first good use of that publication I've seen. Just don't throw it onto the ice.

Besides, if you pay attention to the starting lineups, you might learn what a real college hockey program looks like, you know, one that has won a NCAA Championship within its undergraduates' lifetime.

Has anyone noticed that the school's teams were named after a chewing gum whose motto is "So Kiss a Little Longer?" Ordinarily, that would be a compliment, but in light of the hazing practices at Vermont. . .

In all seriousness, Cornell-Harvard is one of the most exciting regular season match-ups of the year. Harvard played perhaps one of its best games when it endured the march to Ithaca to win 2-1. It will need an even better effort to come out ahead again.

While every word of this column is true, and the extreme devotion Cornell gives its hockey team borders on the pathetic, it would be nice to have a rousing group of Crimson crazies there on Friday to counter-cheer.