This was a cheer, though sadly accurate, that my eight-year-old cousin moved past about two Little League seasons ago.

Then again, little league is exactly just what I think of when considering Cornell. Maybe I just set my standards too high when expecting real creativity from the Big Red idiots--who did the school bribe to admit it into the Ivy League anyway? Just stick to "Sieve!"

Two words: safety school.

.We also need to go over some pregame rituals, because you do some things up in the rustic backwaters of Ithaca that members of civilized society simply don't do. I know you'll be a little confused, being that Cambridge will be the first glimpse of a city you'll have seen since the summer, so I'm going to try and put this nice and simple so you can understand.

No fish. I don't care if you blew off a whole week of classes to catch one in Cayuga's Waters, just to throw it on the Bright Ice--don't do it. It's revolting.

You'll stink up the place enough because running water hasn't quite made it to Ithaca yet, don't add to the stench by bringing along Guppy.

By the way, why fish? At least when the Red Wings fans throw octopi on the ice, there's a symbolic connection between the eight legs and number of wins that used to be needed for The Cup--what the hell does the trout represent?