Susan recalls her brother’s sense of humor. “He was so funny, but he was so smart that he would tell jokes and sometimes would have to look up the words in the dictionary.”

“We were so grateful to have him for the time that we did,” Gerry says.

Elizabeth tries to do the same, although the fact that she was so young when her dad died makes remembering him more difficult.

“Most of my memories are after that date,” she says, her voice faltering.

But she does have a few images that come to mind when she thinks of her father.

“When we lived in England we visited France and he had me order him a beer in French, and then we tried escargot together. I was like seven or eight,” Elizabeth says, laughing.

SEPTEMBER 11 IN THE MEDIA

When most families lose a loved one, the mourning and healing process is intensely personal. But for the families of those who died on 9/11, their grief has played out on a very public stage.

Since that day, the media has been a constant presence in the families’ lives, creating a collective memory of the attacks. But the media has also tried to exploit the events of 9/11, and that has had very real consequences for victims’ families.

“The media is really important in fueling it, fueling the fact that it’s remembered and that no one forgets what happened,” Sharon says. But, she adds, “It kind of depends on the way that it’s portrayed.”

The families say there is a difference between positive, respectful coverage, and attention that is decidedly hurtful.

In high school, Elizabeth and her friend were at a movie theater when a preview for World Trade Center came on screen. “I just walked out of the movie theater until it was done,” Elizabeth recalls. “It’s a little weird that it’s used as a theme for action movies. I definitely see why people would use it as a theme for a movie to capture national sentiment or express a point. But the extreme violence that’s depicted—I think that’s just gratuitous.”

However, the media will always be there. “You can’t stop it,” Violetta says, resigned.

Violetta, like the Kellehers, has never spoken to the press before.

“You’re the first interview I’m giving,” she says. “And I’m doing it because my sons thought it would be the right thing to do since their father loved Harvard.”