I got to talk shop with ESPN personalities Chris Berman and Michael Wilbon.

Jessica Simpson bounced by.

Amare, T.O., D-Wade (styling an unfortunate fedora), McNabb, and Carmelo all strutted past.

Dick Enberg, under the sweltering sun, didn’t look a day over 120.

The members of the cast of HBO’s “Entourage” each had an entourage.

I made out with actress Jessica Biel.

(Not really, but that would have been sweet, right?)

The highlight of the pre-show fashion show may have come courtesy of the Florida-based TV crew stationed next to me along the perimeter of the ruby rug. They nabbed a small but well-built black gentleman—with what I can only describe as a retainer in his mouth made of little diamond studs—incredibly familiar-looking and clearly an athlete, for a two-minute interview.

“Who was that?” I asked the guy with the mic.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged.

Then the light bulb went on.

“That was Zab Judah, the welterweight champ,” I said.

“Whatever.”

I experienced more of this kind of inept reportorial posturing in the press room, which was not so much backstage as it was a prefabricated structure erected back of backstage.

A new low was reached when one chump, trying to clarify an inane question about Hollywood mixing with sports, asked Indy driver Danica Patrick why she was at the show. Confused, she put her arms up and scanned the room for help. He thought she was an actress, and slender-shouldered and pretty though she is, the mistake was unforgivable.