INPUT: “Final Clubs are a part of a system of oppression that perpetuates male economic domination.”

(deep breath, pushing big red button)

LLT: “Simple is simple, guys who are in the clubs have these beautiful mansions and powerful alumni friends. Girls don’t have that so, of course, men continually have a leg up. I’d say it’s an unfair one, too, because it has nothing to do with merit, just a chromosome.”

Excellent. That’s a sticky situation and God knows there’s more to be said there. Even so, I understood that point. Still not sold?

Some have complained that the LLT dumbs down campus dialogue, playing to the least common denominator rather than trying to reframe the debate with language of our own. I grant that in some senses, the LLT does just that. However, what’s the good of intellectualized language if no one understands it? If the progressive wants to spend a lot of time explaining these words and phrases to people, then I supposed the LLT is useless. But, so long as the majority of campus finds Leftie Language confusing and alienating, I feel like the Translator will have a market.

So there you have it! It’s not perfect, but I’m working on it. Let me know if you have any ideas for improvement, I’m hoping I can make this a community invention.

Until then, you can find the Leftie Language Translator on sale for $19.99 at the COOP. Makes complicated leftie ideas easy to understand and persuasive. Makes a great present for Leftie friends and those who love and/or struggle to understand them. Get one now, before it’s too late.

Andrew H. Golis ’06 is a social studies concentrator in Winthrop House. His column appears on alternate Mondays.