What would Ishmael do?

Step 1: Go with the flow. While "Call my mommy!" may seem more appropriate than "Call me Ishmael," the narrator of Herman Melville's Moby-Dick knows enough not to rock the boat. Fine, so crazy Captain Ahab, angry at a little bite from a big fish, demands that his crew abandon any and all pressing business in order "to chase that white whale on both sides of land, and over all sides of earth, till he spouts black blood." A favor for the boss is still a favor for the boss. Plus the ship comes highly recommended by Ishmael's best friend, the ever-classy cannibal Queequeg. Why be left out at the water cooler?

Step 2: Stay busy. Moping around feeling sorry for yourself is just a quick way to end up on the wrong side of a harpoon. After a little hard work, you'll forget your troubles and gain the kind of conditioning essential to the high-stakes (if not always high-seas) working world. Ishmael sweeps the deck, scans the loft and stays high and dry for the next 500 pages. Then, alas, Moby-Dick shows, battle ensues and all are lost save our hero himself. Call it a very hostile takeover.

Step 3: Live and learn. Ishmael stays upbeat as he drifts afloat, but it doesn't take a deconstructionist to tell you he'll stick to terra firma ASAP. Bottom line: A friendly cannibal is no substitute for a human resources professional.

"You walk through your front door after a long business trip to find the neighborhood guys raiding your fridge and hitting on your wife. You're no coward, but the jetlag's killing you and you don't like the odds up against the whole block."

Oops--time's up! Better corner your local classics concentrator and ask for an answer.

What would Odysseus do?

Jeremy N. Smith '00 is a history and literature concentrator in Pforzheimer House. His column appears on alternate Fridays.