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Linguistics 101: Harvard for Beginners

Cabot Library: 1. A science library in the Science Center. Humanities concentrators do not feel comfortable here. 2. A second home for anal premeds. 3. Where you can watch videotapes of the science lectures you bagged. 4. Open all night during reading period, It's Harvard's version of Store 24--without food.

Cantabrigians: The residents of Cambridge, Mass.

Chickwich: A compressed and processed breaded chicken patty that, for some reason, students adore.

Comp: The only way to get on the staff of The Crimson, the Advocate, or the Lampoon.

Concentration: 1. What every othercollege in America calls a major. 2. What you haveto choose before the end of your first year.

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Coop: 1. Where tourists go to buyHarvard sweatshirts and key chains; where you willstand in line for hours at the beginning of eachsemester to buy overpriced textbooks. 2. Rhymeswith "loop" not "blow pop." 3. A massivebureaucrat that pays smaller and smaller andsmaller rebates to its members each year.

Core:1. Eight required courses thatallegedly teach you no facts, figures and ideasbut approaches to knowledge. 2. The reasonwhy you won't have time to take courses that areintellectually stimulating, challenging and fun.

Crimson: 1. The paper you are readingnow. Cambridge's only breakfast table daily,founded in 1873. 2. Almost every athletic team oncampus. 3. The most popular bar among first-yearsin Cambridge.

Crimson Key: 1. Cheery cult of studentscloaked in crimson who organize orientation weekand give campus tours to wide-eyed visitors.

Currier House: 1. Ugly house in the Quadwhere you have to be buzzed to enter.

Date: 1. Rare usage, at Harvard. 2. Ifyou do go on one, consider yourself engaged.

DeWolfe 1. Conveniently located overflowhousing for students in various river houses.Comes complete with MTV, dishwasher, refrigerator,bathtub and bay windows. 2. you and everyone elsewill subsidize these luxury condominiums bysuffering in cockroach-infested, cramped doubleswhen you're sophomores.

Due Date: The day you call your sectionleader for an extension on a paper (seeextension).

Dunster House: thank God it's notMather.

Eliot House: 1. Where Theodore J.Kaczynski '62 spent his formative years. 2.[Archaic] are you on the guest list?

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