I have seen some crazy things in my day as a Harvard student. Like the time back in '97 when the students held Rudenstine hostage until he authorized the sale of crack in the student center.

No wait, that was UC Berkeley. We don't have a student center. My bad.

But my point stands. There are some absurd moments and even more absurd people in the Harvard student body.

Some of these people do not belong here. They are mistakes, if you will.

Either too dumb or too weird (yes, there is such a thing as too weird for Harvard), these kids really have no place among us.

Don't get all humanist on me. You know what I'm talking about: examples of idiocy and ridiculousness that range from the incipient nose-picker in section to the kiddie porn dealer in Mathews (I know who you are).

As a responsible member of the community, I have volunteered for this most important of missions--to rid our school of these undesirables.

I had some people in mind, and called on some associates of mine to help uncover these undesirables. I here present you with the five worst offenders who should be targeted for removal immediately.

Target number one: Sausage Lady.