Admit it, life just hasn't been the same since the Winnie made its final stop and "Road Rules Australia" went into reruns. Parlay your affection for reality based shows into a trip to the Science Center and catch a screening of The Truman Show. And don't worry: the majority of Crimson Key went into hiding after freshman week, so the only retarded comments will be coming form you date. 8 and 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Science Center B. $3.

It may be mid-term week, but Lamont is no place to spend Saturday night--unless you're scanning the facebooks in reserves. Quit making fun of your roommates unfortunate high school big bangs and head over to the Middle East. Relax to the tunes of Juliana Hatfield and replenish yourself for the hectic week ahead. Middle East, 472 Mass Ave., 492-9181. $10.

To get into a spine-tingling. ghoulish mood for Halloween, freak yourself out by going to Spooky World, America's Horror Theme Park. Four haunted houses, five Halloween Haunted Attractions, and (this is not a joke, we swear it) a 3D Disco Haunted House. It's a little shop of horrors, so good little boys and girls who sleep with a nightlight on might want to take a raincheck on this one. 7 p.m., 100 River Road, Berlin, (978) 838-0200. $17.50.

If gyrating your pelvis by a keg doesn't satisfy your dancing urges for the weekend, try some classier moves at the Harvard Ballroom Dance Team's Sixth Annual Beginner's Competition. Cut a rug with the fox trot, waltz, swing and cha cha. 3 p.m. to 9 p.m., Lowell Lecture Hall. 493-6024. $5 per person in advance, $7 per person at the door.

One of the only bands named for a brand of chewy, peanut-flavored sweets, the Squirrel Nut Zippers epitomize the ultralounge sound. Expect them to play some of their perennial favorites, like "Santa Claus is Smoking Reefer" and "St. Louis Cemetary Blues." With Chapel Hill roots, they are a college favorite. 7 p.m., The Roxy, 279 Tremont Street, Boston. 931-2000. $22.50.

If Dining Services' hearty meal of pork picatta, mushroom chicken and lo mein doesn't fill you up, try Food Glorious Food. Advertised as a cabaret event that will "whet your curiosity (and appetite)," The Will and Lil Show, with Joe Della Penna on piano, is serving up some classic culinary tunes. And the best part is you won't gain weight. 8 p.m., Cambridge Center for Adult Education, 56 Brattle Street. 547-6789. $10.

Still hungry like the wolf? The food theme continues as WFNX Leftover Lunch presents John Taylor Terroristen, formerly of Duran Duran. 9 p.m., Mama Kin Music Hall, 36 Lansdowne St., Boston, 536-2100. $10 in advance, $12 at the door. (21+)

SUNDAY 25 OCTOBER

For most people, Thanksgiving evokes memories of turkey, cranberries, football, and kindergarten Pilgrim plays. For a lot of us it also means dealing with oddball Uncle Bob and other assorted weird relatives. The A.R.T., inspired by this phenomena, presents The Marriage of Bette and Boo at the Hasty Pudding Theatre. With any luck, youll find a few characters at least a little odder than your parents. 8 p.m. Tuesday through Friday, 2 and 8 p.m.; Saturday, 2 and 7 p.m. Sunday, 2 p.m. Hasty Pudding Theatre, 10 Holyoke St., 547-8300. $25-35.

That colorful whistle from HUPD, although an undeniably hip fashion accessory, might not protect you all that well from any of the sketchy people in the Science Center computer lab at 2 a.m. Watch and learn as masters of self defense perform a Kung Fu demo. Soon you'll be kicking ass like the pros.

7:30 p.m., Brookline Tai Chi, 1615 Beacon Street (Green Line Washington Square Stop). 277-2975. FREE.

Yo mama is so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to take two trips. Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch died. Yo mama is so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. Jokes like this may be off limits, but papas are fair game when Amazon Slam, an all-woman poetry slam kicks off tonight. The evening also includes comedy from Michele Balan and Diva Mama 7:30 p.m., Ryles, 212 Hampshire St., Inman Square, 628-0288, $10.

MONDAY 26 OCTOBER

Does the thought of 6 a.m. practices on a windy river excite you? Did watching Head of the Charles make you yearn to row? If you want to be in one of those tippy boats by this time next year, better go to Community Rowing. They can teach you the tricks of the trade and no prior experience is required. What are you waiting for? Put on some Patagonia gear and head over. Take the six week course they offer, and maybe you can join the team before the season ends. 10 Nonantum Rd., Newton, near the Newton Marriott (617) 782-9091.

Are most people so scared of touching you that the very idea of coming into contact with your body makes their skin crawl? Don't worry about it. Harvard Health and Fitness knows that entire populations are terrified of touching Harvard students. Licensed massage therapists offer their services once a week and they have to touch you. It's their job. Noon to 2 p.m., UHS, 2nd floor. 495-9629. $10 for 10 minutes.