Been spending more time catching up on "The Real World Seattle" than on your thesis? Don't sweat it. Joan Bolkner will be giving a lecture entitled "Writing Your Dissertation in 15 Minutes a Day" tonight at the Coop. If only she had some info on "Convincing the Coop That You Really Need That Core Science Book Sometime Before Midterms." 5 p.m., The Harvard Cooperative Society, Harvard Square, 499-2000. FREE.

Stockholm, 1963. Two masters of freedom playing at a time before their art was corrupted by thousands of cocktail lounge performers, destroying the legacy of "The Only American Art Form"--jazz. Well, at least according to the nanny in Jerry Maguire. Check out the man behind the music tonight at the John Coltrane Tribute at Northeastern University. 7:30 p.m., Blackman Auditorium, 360 Huntington Ave., 373-2247. $15 to 25.

Have a fetish for southern accents, slutty women, and dysfunctional relationships? Check out Tennessee William's classic, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. (Despite the seemingly misleading title, no live animals of any sort were subjected to torture for this production.) 8 p.m., Actors Playhouse, Notre Dame Education Center, 50 W. Broadway, South Boston. $10 for students.

Midterms got you stressed? Any interest in finding out exactly how stressed? Get your blood pressure checked by a UHS nurse today. Noon to 2 p.m., UHS Pharmacy, Holyoke Center Arcade. 495-9629. FREE.

Wear all black for a reason other than looking as pretentious as you sound. Join in the National day of Protest to "stop police brutality, repression and the criminalization of a generation." 4:30 p.m., Park Street, Boston, 492-5443. FREE.

Take me to your section leader. If grad students have always seemed like aliens to you, but you still wanted concrete proof, join them as they watch cinema dealing with their own kind. The Dudley House Film series continues tonight as the classic 1950s sci-fi movies Forbidden Planet and The Day the Earth Stood Still play on a big-screen TV. Forbidden Planet, 6 p.m; The Day the Earth Stood Still, 8 p.m., Lehman Hall, Graduate Student Lounge. FREE.

FRIDAY 23 OCTOBER

Couldn't push your way into last weeks jam-packed OTI performance? Satisfy your comedy craving and drop by the Improv Asylum. 8 and 10 p.m, Tonight and tomorrow, 216 Hanover St., 263-6887. $10.

Orgazmo, yet another scandalously juvenile Trey Parker flick, opens tonight. Let Trey molest your virgin eyes as the last action hero in a condom suit. Or not. It's NC-17, by the way. Sorry, cradle robbers, you'll have to leave high-schooly dates from Rindge and Latin at home. Kendall Square Cinema, 494-9800. $7.50 general.

The Callbacks are kicking off their concert season with "Temptation," and audial titillation is the name of the game. Protecting Harvard from the scum of the tone-deaf, these Men and Women in Black (MWIB) make a cappella look goooood. 8 p.m., Sanders Theatre, $6 students, $8 general.

Classical music connoisseurs, get down and Baroque with the Bach Society. Appreciate the torrential strains of Stravinksy's "The Soldier's Tale," Prokofiev's "Classical Symphony" and Beethoven's Symphony #3, "Eroica." 8 to 10 p.m., Paine Hall. $5 students, $8 general.

Ad board! Scared yet? Maybe not, but you will be when the Phoenix Landing and Channel Zero present the Halloween Fright Night Video Show and tribute to the sultan of spook, Vincent Price. Halloween is coming a week early for a screening of Price's horror classic Theatre of Blood along with movie trailers, cartoons and an episode of "Lost in Space." 7 p.m., The Phoenix Landing Pub, 512 Mass. Ave. Free.

There's an easier way to scope out the fleshmen er freshman than by "auditing" Ec 10. Stop by the freshman musical, The Corn is Green, by Emlyn Williams. If you don't like what's on stage, you can still scope the audience. Holworthy middle is looking pretty hot this year. 7:30 p.m., the E.C. Agassiz Theatre, Radcliffe Yard, 10 Garden Street. 496-2222. $5 for students, $8 general admission.

Watching people in short, pink outfits falling on their asses is a highly underrated entertainment concept. Although the figure skaters in An Evening With Champions may try to avoid any spills, at least one triple axle is bound to go sour. Be there to see it and laugh. 8 p.m., Bright Hockey Arena. 493-8172. $20 for adults, $10 for undergrads, children and seniors.

SATURDAY 24 OCTOBER