The deception aspect of alcohol abuse is why Musselman has emphasized the need for programs here that target problem students instead of waiting for them to seek help.

"There are some wonderful programs here, but it's hard to go to someone and convince them they have a problem," Musselman said. "There has to be a way to point a student in the direction of an organization more effectively. Something that puts the individual first."

In Musselman's college days, the thought of seeking help for his drinking problem never entered his mind. In short, Musselman said, he didn't believe he had a problem.

When he entered Major League Baseball, he found beer everywhere--in the clubhouse, in the dugout's refrigerator, in the hotel rooms--and this ubiquity made Musselman feel that the league provided "a safe environment for the problem drinker."

Harvard also was and is safe for people already battling or on the edge of alcoholism, according to Musselman.

"All the parties had kegs and all the bars had alcohol," Musselman said. "Harvard may not be on the list of the biggest `party schools,' but alcohol is everywhere. But I don't think if you made this a dry campus you would solve the problems."

Alcohol abuse is a matter of individual susceptibility to the disease, Musselman said.

"My wife got sick once in college because of alcohol and never got sick again. She just stops after one or two drinks," Musselman said. "I can't imagine how she just stops. I'm jealous. When I had a drink or two or three, I felt that I was in complete command."

If Musselman deceived himself when he drank, alcohol also deceived Musselman by giving him this illusory sense of complete control. Musselman's return reminded him of all that he missed when he attended Harvard because of his problem with control and because of what he thought was important back then.

"Being back here made me realize what I didn't take advantage of when I was here," Musselman said. "I didn't do so much. I didn't go see the professors because I was too scared to see them. Those things in school, I just didn't care about. Why not live on the edge? That's what it was all about.

"I remember we'd start tailgating here at six [in the morning] to get a good parking spot. I'd be drunk by ten and look at people who didn't drink like they were losers."

"I look back now and say, how did I do that? Why did I do that?" Musselman said.

Alcohol made living on the edge possible for Musselman, who said he used the "legal drug" as a crutch.

"I relied upon it to get me through everything. The alcoholic is blinded," Musselman said. "My drinking was a symptom of other things, fear, anxiety, anger, loneliness."

These other things, anxiety and fear especially, usually prevent comebacks, and when one speaks of Jeff Musselman it's hard to believe there is anything from which he can't come back.

He came back from the void alcohol had eaten into his life. He came back from death itself when emergency medical technicians revived him after his heart attack. And he came back to Harvard to tell a story that may spare someone the journey he has taken.

Welcome back Jeff. Welcome back.