Well, do you want me to take you seriously?

Yes. No. Yes. No. Um, no, I think we're doing fine. I think we should proceed in this spirit.

Excellent. So, what's the big problem with the world, according to Mark Leyner?

I think it's a combination of stupidity and physical cowardice.

Physical cowardice? Could you elaborate on that?

I just think that somehow, something's gone awry in our genetic destiny. This sounds sort of Nietzschian, I think. But somehow, the genetic mastermind behind our evolution is allowing too many congenital morons to get through. Andalso, I think it's very important for people tojust be in better shape. I think it's disgustingto see, especially among writers andintellectuals. They're a bunch of little mice.

I know. No beef. It's totally depressing,isn't it?

It's not good. One can't be a true leader ofthe culture without being fit. I mean, isn't itdepressing? Just look at the candidates forpresidency! I mean, obviously people need to votefor Clinton to get Bush out of there, but theseshots of him on television, jogging...this guyshould be a glittering paradigm of what the man ofthe 21st century needs to be.

Yeah, he needs a personal trainer, bigtime.Do you get into weights and physical training tothe degree that the narrator does?

I'm in great shape. I work out about an hourand a half every day and then run four or fivemiles every day. So, I try.

Nautilus or free weights?

Both.

Excellent. Would you hang out with a carboncopy of yourself?

If only it were possible.

Do you think that you appeal to a maleversus a female audience? Are you trying to?What's your attitude towards that?