"I'll make you the newest king of rock n' roll. I'll make you commissioner of the NHL. I'll make you the country's most popular late-night talk show host."

"You got a deal on one condition: I call up the NCAA hockey tournament master and tell him that Harvard's fair game in the tourney. Upset city."

A pause. I think for a minute and mutter, "Go, Hoyas, go."

The top 10 reasons the Boston Celtics will make the NBA playoffs, but lose in the first round:

10. "Subbing in for Robert Parish, center Joe Kleine."

9. The Detroit Pistons.

8. When will you be back, Larry? (Waiting for Godot was more encouraging.)

7. Reggie Lewis. Brian Shaw. Ed Pickney. Jim Paxson. Now those are post-season players.

6. Kevin McHale gets hurt. Parish gets hurt. "Now, posting up against Rick Mahorn, Ramon Rivas."

5. Danny Ainge is in Sacramento.

4. Soon, Larry, soon. You'll be back, right?

3. It's Dennis Johnson now. Not DJ.

2. Admit it: the Celtics are no longer the elite team in the Eastern Conference.

1. If the foot gets better, Larry, and you get to play some games before the playoffs...

Biggest news to come out of the Red Sox spring training camp: whether or not to keep Sam Horn on the roster. They say his fielding has improved. Are they talking about the same guy?

Kareem scored 21 points against Houston Monday night in L.A.'s 97-96 victory over the Rockets. The Lakers are 44-18, the best record in the Western Conference. Who's getting old?

Catch the Bruins Tuesday night in Pittsburgh? Bruins 8, Mario and Company, 2. Bring on Montreal.

I have met only two New Jersey Net fans in my life.

Sweet 16 predictions: Illinois, Louisville, Missouri, Syracuse, Oklahoma, Virginia, Alabama, North Carolina, Arizona, UNLV, Seton Hall, LSU, Georgetown, N.C. State, Kansas St. and Duke.