People stop defining themselves in terms of what they do or how well they do it when they learn that there are other, more personal yardsticks by which to measure achievement. "For me there are no formal standards, not grades, not recommendations. I think I've learned to judge myself against my own expectations," concludes Roberts.
"I realized that not having a direction is not a bad thing. Being directionless doesn't mean you'll end up on skid row," says Rebecca J. Carpenter '86-'87, who took a year off to study, travel, and work. When Carpenter returned from travels in Germany, she "felt like [she] was ready to take advantage of the Harvard experience."
Carpe Diem Syndrome
Daniel Brenner '85-'86, who spent a year teaching math in a private school, takes a philosophical approach to time off. "You may not come back a buddha or anything, but you come back more confident about school and why you're doing it," says the native New Yorker. "Coming back to Harvard was my decision, and that made being in college more of an active than a passive thing."
Brenner calls his year off crucial for psychological advancement. "There's something inherent in the nature of school, in just what school is, that is antithetical to personal growth. The deadlines are set and you abide by them; you take vacations when they are given to you; you know what you are taught for the final exam," he explains.
"But during a leave of absence there's a shift to understanding that you're not doing it for them. Academia becomes more your own, less theirs. The University becomes your own. It's no longer just Harvard because you are an active member," says Brenner.
Sense of Autonomy
Students who have taken time off to travel and live on their own find that they establish a sense of their autonomy. Living and traveling alone allows them to assume control of their lives and achieve a certain independence that many found lacking within the confines of school or family.
For some, this new found self-sufficiency translates into a desire to live off campus. "Coming back to a house after a leave of absence would be like moving back home after graduation," explains Brenner, who now lives in Somerville. "My apartment gives me a sense of detachment from Harvard; I'm not a student 24 hours a day."
Other leave-takers say the independence gained during time off gives them the confidence needed to take their own ideas seriously. Roberts says that although she had always been very interested in social service, she had never followed through on anything. "When I came back I started thinking about the ways I could use my skills to contribute to a community. I designed a course in textile design and taught it to elementary school children through HAND," she says.
"My whole time off was a self-dialogue; it was spent finding out what makes me work inside," says Roberts. "I could have stayed here, but I would have graduated with the feeling that Harvard had somehow failed me. Now my time here has been enriched. It's completely changed the way I look at things I do."
LEAVE TAKERS 1982-1986 Total Number of Leave Takers: Percentage Who Took Leave: Class of 1982 410 25.9 Class of 1983 289 19.4 Class of 1984 325 22.0 Class of 1985 270 18.3 Class of 1986 262 18.0