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I am Frightened (Yellow)

Of course, this is because I fear the retribution of a puritanical God. If you enjoy it, it can't be good for you. But there's more.

If I had felt that the painful jolt of the occupation might have the power to open people's lives, I could have stayed. But the enjoyment of the jolt itself, the aesthetic pleasure of rebellion, is a horrifwing thought. For it is unanswerable; there is no return. The Faculty can rap on love and the Corporation can let the poor clip its coupons, all to no avail. Grant what concession you will, unless you turn American society upside-down and free the consciousness from the tyranny of the corporate state--and maybe even after all that--there is no answer to a man who enjoys his act of rebellion, who says isn't-it-wonderful-look-at-the-art-and-music-it's-in-spring-o-hear-people-communicate-o-dammit-I-feel-free. What do you concede to a man who has no demands?

Everyone, of course, had the six demands. But for these heroes of my Harvard youth, for these best and most creative people, the act had nothing to do with the demands. It felt so clean to be in that building: The lines were drawn and you were on the right side.

True, the SDS politicos had no sense of humor. And, true, it was only when you explained the situation to yourself, not when you listened to their speeches, that their demands sounded proportional to the means they used. But the cops would probably come, so the situation would cease to be humorous, and your means would be dwarfed by the enemy's means. Besides, the demands were just--I was convinced even then that they were just--and since the occupation would take place in any case, why not support it while using it for your own purposes?

Do you remember the poster which said: "STRIKE FOR THE SIX DEMANDS STRIKE BECAUSE YOU HATE COPS ... STRIKE TO SEIZE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STRIKE TO BECOME MORE HUMAN ... STRIKE TO MAKE uOURSELF FREE STRIKE TO ABOLISH ROTC STRIKE BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU STRIKE?" It defines "co-opt."

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Co-optation is not in itself evil. But the SDS demands can be met, SDS is exerting pressure for concrete achievements. "Stop squeezing the life our of me" is unanswerable, and its effect ends when the excitement ends. This type of romanticism provides no plateaus where we can stop and rest. If it does not succeed entirely, it will have entirely failed; and the irate alumni will be right--we will have disrupted a great university to lengthen our spring vacation.

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FOR THIS, no one deserves amnesty. The CRIMSON has argued in part that those who occupied University Hall should be pardoned because they raised important issues; they pricked our political conscience. And indeed now that the Faculty says they have coped with student demands and thus rectified wrongs, they may find it difficult to punish the demonstrators.

But someone who stayed in the building for romantic goals rather then political goals is making an unfair appeal. He is asking amnesty on grounds distantly analogous to civil disobedience when he is in fact advocating a general change in life style. The Faculty may feel guilty about its political role, but it is unfair to plead to that conscience when you want it to feel guilty about its life style in general.

It hurts me--and I am sure I cannot explain the reasons to you if you do not feel the same hurt--to think that anyone would plead to this sensitive and conscience-ridden institution for amnesty if he meant to prick only its social conscience. To tell a professor that you occupied University Hall to free his life style is insulting and saddening. And, if you can't cope with the whole atmosphere of the place ("because they are trying to squeeze the life out of you") ... you could leave.

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BUT of course you cant leave. If you leave, you will be drafted and face consequences more horrifying and restrictive than those you face here. The situation is artificial, we all know that. It is traditionally the prerogative Harvard men to leave academe, to return when they are ready, to preserve themselves by withdrawal. But how unfair it is to demand that Harvard bring the freeing chaos of the outside world within its gates.

Someday, someday soon we all pray, that wonderful, blind world will again be open to the undergraduates whose youth is being robbed. They are right, my romantic heroes, they should not be at Harvard, it is forcing them to make compromises, it is squeezing the life out of them. Maybe the university will have to recognize this, and change its requirements until the war ends.

But I plead with my heroes to be careful in stating their case. You can't go home again. And there is a need for a place where research and reading and teaching can be quietly. Culture and Anarchy.

Please note, I am not saying that the university should avoid political stands; I am not saying that the university can fail to restructure or to break its ties with what is most evil in America. Those are political arguments.

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