Everyone associated with Ivy League football can take a deep breath.

The absolute worst conference game of the season is now behind us, as the only winless schools left in the Ivies—Columbia and Dartmouth—did battle in a contest that was meant to be the virtual antithesis of the annual Harvard-Penn title bout.

Just as the Crimson and Quakers throw everything they have at each other, knowing full well that only one team will, in the end, be deemed the winner, the Lions and the Big Green kept upping the ante on choking, as it became apparent to both sides that only one team would be allowed to leave the field as the loser.

Columbia kicker Nick Rudd missed two field goal attempts, but Dartmouth kicker Tyler Lavin did him one better, missing three. Lions quarterback Jeff Otis threw a pick, but Big Green quarterback Charlie Rittgers matched it and raised with two.

Columbia put up six points on two first-half field goals, but Dartmouth marched into the endzone—for the only touchdown of the game—to tie the score in the third quarter. Desperately afraid of leading in a positive statistical category, the Big Green played it safe and shanked the extra-point attempt, pushing it well left.

The final score, as reported by those who didn’t fall asleep or leave, was 9-6 in favor of the Lions. Rudd managed to make three of his five field-goal attempts on the afternoon, including one from 39 yards. For this effort, he was awarded Ivy League Special Teams Player of the Week. That’s right, he wasn’t benched: he was given an award. I’d feel a lot better about this distinction if they changed the title to “Least Terrible Ivy League Special Teams Player of the Week.”

With that, let’s get to the action in Week Seven:

NO. 22 PENN (5-1, 3-0) vs. BROWN (4-2, 1-2)

The Quakers have finally found their offense. Now, they just need to find the endzone.

Penn put together 497 yards of offense last week against Yale and held the ball for nearly 24 minutes in the second half, but only managed to score 17 points in the game.

The good news for the Quakers was running back Sam Mathews’ 169-yard, two-touchdown performance that was good enough to earn him Ivy League Offensive Player of the Week. I can’t believe it took six games for Penn to remember that it had a returning first-team All-Ivy rusher in the backfield, but I’m not going to argue with the decisions made by a team that has won 18 straight league games.

And while we’re on the subject, you might as well make that 19, because this one won’t be a contest.

Brown’s offense has all but disappeared at this point. Quarterback Joe DiGiacomo, who had a solid start to the season but has struggled as of late, was replaced by Anthony Vita, who did just enough to get the Bears past Cornell. Add to that the recent struggles of Nick Hartigan—the Ivy League’s leading rusher last season—and it’s pretty clear why the offense just hasn’t been the same since putting up 31 points in the first half against Harvard in Week Two.

Penn hasn’t lost to an Ivy opponent at Franklin Field since 1999. I don’t see Brown being the team that puts streak in jeopardy. Give me the Quakers at home by three touchdowns.

CORNELL (1-5, 1-2) vs. PRINCETON (4-2, 2-1)

What does Princeton have left in the tank?

With one quarter in the books last weekend, the Tigers led Harvard 14-3 and had visions of finally exorcising the demons that arose from eight years of close calls and missed opportunities. Then, in a moment which can only be described as Manny Ramirez-like, the Crimson looked up at the scoreboard, caught a glimpse of the crowd and realized, “Hey, we should probably start playing now.”

Final score: 39-14, Harvard.

History has shown that the matchup with Cornell, situated between games against the Crimson and the Quakers, is a classic trap game for the Tigers. Princeton is just 2-2 against the Big Red over the past four seasons, including a 32-25 escape in overtime two years ago.

And while the Tigers were the best 2-8 team in football last season, the best 2-8 squad this season could possibly end up being the Big Red. Cornell led Brown and Harvard on the road in the second half and played Bucknell and Colgate to the final gun before falling in all four.

The offensive juggling act that Big Red first-year coach Jim Knowles has undertaken might be just what the doctor ordered. For that reason, I’m going to go with Cornell in an upset on a late field goal over the reeling Tigers.

YALE (3-3, 1-2) vs. COLUMBIA (1-5, 1-2)

Will the real Yale Bulldogs please stand up?

That’s the question on everyone’s mind as Siedlecki’s boys have limped out to an unimpressive 3-3 start and have essentially been eliminated from the Ivy title hunt just three weeks into league play.

Once again, the Bulldogs enter the contest with a seemingly insurmountable advantage in terms of talent. But it’s hard not to look past that and ask, “How could they blow it?”

Luckily for Yale, they can’t. This time, they’re playing Columbia.

This has to be the week that the Bulldogs’ struggling offense gets on track. Everyone has been waiting for quarterback Alvin Cowan to have a truly Playstation-like performance. Running back Robert Carr has proven that his early season breakout wasn’t a fluke, as he sits second in the league in rushing yards per game. Yale has the top wide receiver tandem, in terms of combined yards per game, in the Ivy League—even better than Harvard’s Mazza-Edwards combination.

The real Yale Bulldogs will stand up and shrug off the frustration of a mediocre start with a dominating 31-10 win.

—Staff writer Michael R. James can be reached at mrjames@fas.harvard.edu. His "Around the Ivy League" appears every Friday.