During the height of the war in Iraq, Army chaplain Lt. Josh Llano, a Southern Baptist, commandeered 500 gallons of water to fill his baptismal pool and

offered a dip to any hot and unwashed soldier who also agreed to receive baptism. Length of Llanos’s baptismal sermon:

90 Minutes

Time since water last flowed freely to the 586,000 residents of Najaf:

50,400 Minutes

Time since a jury awarded Maggie Smith $3.5 million in a wrongful death suit against her late husband’s doctor for malpractice in the treatment of his heart condition:

342,720 Minutes

Time since the verdict was reduced to a mere $1.2 million by the judge in light of the fact that Smith’s fatal heart attack may have been caused in part by the fact that he was 54 years-old, overweight, a long-time smoker who ate a poor diet, got little exercise, had diabetes as well as high cholesterol, and considered his job highly stressful:

20,160 Minutes

Prison time now faced by Van Waiters, a substitute teacher in Miami, after he allegedly attacked a student who threw a punch at him following a verbal altercation:

13,140,000 Minutes

Time since Waiters, who allegedly grabbed the 13-year-old by the neck, tossed him over a desk, and then tackled him to the ground while punching him in the face, retired from his career as an N.F.L linebacker:

4,730,400 Minutes

Time since the new Hong Kong Tourism Board ads, billing the city as one that will “Take Your Breath Away,” debuted in British magazines:

31,680 Minutes

Time since the World Health Organization added Hong Kong to its travel advisory due to the worsening outbreak of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS):

43,200 Minutes

Length of the Eleganza fashion show, which took place in Lowell Lecture Hall last Saturday:

115 Minutes

Length of time, on average, that audience members spent considering the scandalous fashions on display as opposed to the tight, muscled bodies displaying them:

<1 Minute