What do you get when you cross President Bush with foreign policy? After four weeks, not much. Not exactly the most promising start for the young rookie from Texas.

In all fairness to Bush, it should first be noted that his predecessor, Bill "Government Property" Clinton, was no foreign relations master. As the joke goes, Clinton's idea of foreign relations is sex with the Asian intern. The joke may be crude, but the point is real. In truth, Clinton's conception of foreign policy consisted, for the most part, of sweet-talking the world into liking him and, by extension, America. This was basically the same as Reagan's conception of foreign relations, although Reagan's idea of a foreign nation was New York.

Clinton also made the mistake of treating foreign policy without the care it requires and deserves. He cheapened it by using it for political and personal ends, selling it to Chinese "friends," and one time even basing a military decision on one of Dick Morris's polls. By the very act of taking office, Bush has already changed our foreign policy simply by not being Clinton.

There is no substitute for strong foreign policy, and, for all his campaign pledges, this aspect is what Bush now lacks most. Sure Bush ordered the bombing of Iraq last week, but we haven't stopped bombing since a bunch of guys named Bush, Cheney and Powell started over 10 years ago, so this is not really much of an accomplishment. In most cases, Bush is simply stumbling in military and foreign policy.

Bush started off on the wrong foot. Though all recent presidents have made their first foreign trips to Canada, Bush chose Mexico. While the decision sent strong signals about his foreign relations priorities, something that presidential decisions should do, it did have the somewhat amusing side effect of pissing off Canada.

Then there's the National Missile Defense (NMD) system that Bush has made his pet rock. Bush seems to put as much faith in NMD as he does in Jesus, and he offends as many people along the way. Defense experts decry the danger, Democrats bemoan the cost and Putin is giving us all kinds of spooky looks. Annoying Canadians may be excusable, but I draw the line at angering leaders who look like Bond villains and who can blow up the world at a command. (The command is "Blow up the world.")

Bush has remained seemingly ignorant of the worldwide squirming his actions have caused, nor does he seem to care. He seems to think that his actions are charming simply because he's the president and because so far people have appreciated the nicknames he has given them.

Yes, Bush appears to be carrying on his family's diplomatic tradition that, until now, has been highlighted by a certain meal that his father shared with the Japanese prime minister. Junior, in his own way, is worse. On his first phone call with Russia's Putin, Bush reportedly greeted him as "Ostrich Legs." Putin, used to being called things like, "Mr. President," "Mr. Putin," or "Aaaaah!" was, sources say, not amused.