iMac, You Mac

At first Dartboard was pleased with the snazzy-looking new iMacs that have proliferated like so many hothouse orchids on campus. It turns out a splash of royal purple was just what Loker Commons needed, and the cherry red monitors lined up in the Science Center add a touch of brightness to that dreary trek to our Science B core. Annoying commercials aside (how dare they use Gandhi and Einstein for advertising, let alone Lucille Ball), the computers themselves seemed like a hit.

Until we tried typing on them, that is.

The iMac's keyboard is so small that composing an e-mail with those translucent black keys (so chic!) is more of a nuisance than a joy. The function keys are tinier than the average Undergraduate Council grant. And those miniscule arrow keys, about the size of a worn-down eraser? Please. It isn't much use to be able to access the Web quickly if you can't type the correct address. Crowning these indignities, the iMac has no delete button, only backspace--so to fix your mistakes, you have to use those *#&@$% arrow keys.

Can somebody say repetitive stress injury (RSI)? It looks as though Harvard's decorators forgot about everyone's favorite epidemic in their rush to "think different." Dartboard likes a little postmodern color as much as the next person, but not when it means endangering our wrists. It won't be too long before someone figures out that typing on a keyboard the size of a napkin while standing in front of a terminal carrying a hefty backpack can't be good for the nervous system.

RSI used to be the biggest buzzword on campus. How quickly we forget. These seductive technicolor machines are beguiling Harvard into the biggest public health tragedy since the invention of the chickwich.

The Cold War World is Not Enough

Dartboard was under the impression that the tension between the United States and Russia ended with the collapse of the Soviet Union. But the events of the last several weeks showed us that relations between the two nations are far from warm and fuzzy. The arrest of an U.S. State Department worker in Moscow quickly followed by the FBI's arrest of a Russian embassy employee seemed, to us, to be timed to coincide with the release of the latest movie in the James Bond series, "The World Is Not Enough." Cheri Leberknight, the alleged American spy, was apparently carrying several gadgets that could have been designed by Q himself. She allegedly carried several tools to ascertain whether she was under surveillance. Dartboard actually owns a similar tool called a radar detector. On the other side of the iron curtain, the Russian successor to the Soviet KGB proudly trumpeted its counterintelligence prowess to a prime-time Russian television audience.

These actions epitomize the sense of insecurity that Russia feels in the Western-dominated post Cold War world. Russia is frightened, almost mortally terrified. On a recent trip to China, Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin responded to President Clinton's criticism of the war in Chechnya by touting the power of Russia's nuclear arsenal. To Dartboard, it brought to mind our own experience as a scared teenager. When we felt threatened, we too ran off to find our six foot, 250-pound football-playing buddy to back us up.

In all fairness, if we were Russia, we'd be scared too. In recent years, the West has done precious little to reassure this former adversary. The International Monetary Fund has given Russia billions of dollars in loans but failed to create a stable economy. The U.S. Senate has resolved to create an ICBM protective shield once it becomes technologically feasible. Such a shield would allow the United States to launch a nuclear strike with impunity, a prospect that is understandably frightening to the Russians, not to mention Dartboard.

When, and if, Yeltsin's presidency ever ends, the transition will be one of the first landmark events of the next century. There is a strong chance that the communists may regain power; Yeltsin's approval rating is unbelievably low, hitting two percent at one point over the past year.

The West would do well to mend its relations with Russia, not only because Dartboard does not want to enter the next century with a nuclear cloud hanging over our heads. It would truly be a tragedy if America won the first Cold War only to enter another a decade later. The second time, the West might not win.

IMAC INJURIES - Adam S. Sofen; 007 - David M. DeBartolo