Forget "Animal House." Residential life for Harvard first-years does not involve frat houses caked with years of party residue.

Nor are there any immaculate sorority houses with teddy bear wallpaper and plush pink carpets. And there are very few generic college dorms, with long communal hallways, box-like cinder block bedrooms and bathrooms shared by the entire floor.

Harvard is different. In large, that's because most dorms in and around Harvard Yard are old--many date back more than 100 years.

Most first-year dorms are also designed around an entryway system. This means each dorm consists of several unconnected stair-wells, with only two rooms per floor.

Some students try to pretend Harvard is just like every other college by calling the entryways "vertical hallways." This is deceptive logic, though, since climbing stairs to the fifth floor of Matthews is significantly tougher than gliding effortlessly down a normal dorm hall.

The entryway system has its ups and downs. The rooms are more likely to be private and quiet, a boon if you're into a sedentary lifestyle. ON the other hand, casual dropin visits to anyone above the third floor are bound to seem a little contrived. Some find the entryway setup picturesque and charming. Others are less gracious, grumbling that a social life determined by stairwell is both tiring and stifling.

It's hard to categorize first-year living across the board, though. The effort to preserve an authentic Kennedys-and-Roosevelts-slept-here feel in the dorms has created wide discrepancies in room size and quality. Three months from now you could be showing your quarters to a photographer from House Beautiful. Or you could be consulting a shrink about your newly-acquired claustrophobia.

Massachusetts Hall is the quintessential historic dorm. Dating from 1720, it's the oldest academic building in the country. Now, it's the 10 Downing St. of Harvard Yard: the offices of the president, provost and central administration occupy the building's first two floors.

This means you may find the occasional diplomatic motorcade stationed outside your front door. Unfortunately, it also means that VIP guests see your rooms when Harvard decides to show them a typical student lifestyle, Mass. Hall residents are rumored to be hand-picked by some mysterious criteria that somehow qualify them as model Harvardians.

Not all Yard dorms have such impressive histories, however. Built in 1974, Canaday is the newest Yard residence. This massive dorm consists of seven rectangular buildings located in the northeast corner of the Yard.

Canaday is ugly. Its functional, housing-project architecture won't be featured on any Harvard postcards, but most Canaday rooms have three bedrooms for four people in addition to a common room. That means each student can enjoy a single for one semester.

Thayer Hall, south of Canaday, is a nice, fairly nondescript dorm. About 20 people share each of Thayer's hallway bathrooms. Thayer adds a new twist to Harvard's entry way system: its hallways are actually social.

Thayer is embroiled in a stupid but fun rivalry with nearby Holworthy Hall. Legend has it that the dispute originated when Holworthy was built on Thayer's polo ground, or vice versa, depending on who you ask. The rivalry usually surfaces in "Holworthy Sucks!"

--"Thayer Swallows!" shouting bouts. At times, the conflict escalates to more serious warfare involving water fights and hostages.

The living is easy in Holworthy, perched at the top of the North Yard. Its four-person suites feature large common rooms and two bedrooms. Each Holworthy floor has two connected quads, which lends the dorm a social air.