I got a call an hour ago from the sports editor, Sean Wissman, asking me to write a column for today.

No problem. But there was a catch.

Can you do it about something besides baseball?" he inquired.

My watch stopped ticking. The planets froze in their orbits. A column not about baseball?

Well, I agreed, so here I am, wallowing about the sports page sans my favorite topic.

To prepare for this most difficult of assignments, I picked up the sports page and scanned the AP wire, and I couldn't believe some of the things I saw.

I thought the most recent heavyweight bout was Holyfield-Moorer. Boy, was I surprised.

On Saturday night, the Atlanta Hawks and Miami Heat spent seven minutes beating each other's brains out after Heat player Grant Long put a hard foul on Hawk Duane Ferrell. After an exchange of words, Long started to choke Ferrell and both benches cleared.

Police were called onto the court to stop the fight.

Multimillionare adults beating each other up. Lovely image.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Heat assistant coach Alvin Gentry had to leave the game with an injured hand.

Aren't the coaches supposed to control the players?

I know Sean didn't want baseball in here, but I don't see him anywhere, so...

A brawl occurred in Montreal Saturday when Pedro Martinez threw a little chin music to Padre Derek Bell. It didn't hit Bell, but he charged Martinez anyway, and the Padres and Expos went 12 rounds.

These guys are risking serious injury just to retaliate. Who says the age of the sensitive man is dead?