As anyone who has ever had to walk from Mather to Cabot knows, at America's oldest university, it isn't too easy to get around. Buildings loom in the oddest places. The unpleasant weather which plagues Cambridge makes movement difficult. And crime, while not at New York or New Haven levels, is a definite concern.

Harvard provides a system of mechanical transportation to alleviate these problems. The shuttle system, the driving escort service and the Harvard University Police Department (HUPD) work together to get students where they wish to go quickly and safely. In theory.

As with most things, theory and reality are worlds apart.

Take the shuttle service. Now, a service that runs 17 hours a day on weekdays to about 15 areas (scheduled and unscheduled) can't be expected to operate without a glitch.

But students should be able to expect it to run with some consistency. Many shuttles only exist on paper--such as the 9:10 and 10:10 a.m. buses--while others leave at random times, depending on whether the driver wants to finish his or her route early or stop for dinner.

And remember back in September when the University promised the 166 first-years living at 29 Garden St. that direct shuttle service would be readily available to help them enjoy Yard life? Well, the 29G'ers have their own phrase for waiting for something that will never happen--"waiting for the shuttle bus."

This is annoying in the morning, when you're on the way to class. It's irritating in the afternoon, when you're trying to make a problem set deadline. Bearable, but irritating.

But erratic and unreliable shuttle service can be potentially dangerous at night Students often wait in vain at Johnston Gate for the last shuttle bus. What options are left, except to walk back to the Quad or to Mather alone?

Theoretically, the Harvard Escort Service should enter the scene, saving the student a hazardous trek. But this doesn't always happen.

Calling the escort service is much like playing roulette. Sometimes your number really comes up--you get a sympathetic dispatcher, a short wait and a quick trip. Sometimes you break even with a 30-minute wait and a 20-minute ride.

But sometimes you go bust. For example, when the dispatcher tells you at 11 p.m. to walk ten blocks to catch the shuttle. Or when you're told to go outside and wait for an escort that takes 45 minutes to arrive (a.k.a. "right away"). Or when the car simply doesn't show up.

And the escort service stops taking calls at 2:40 a.m., well before the streets are safe for walking. At this point, two options are available. You can sleep wherever you are or call HUPD.

But HUPD has hardly proven helpful in the past. Our last experience with these enforcers of law and order seems to typify their attitude. One night, we lost track of time and found ourselves requesting a ride from Eliot to Currier at 4 a.m. in 10 degree weather.

We expected that HUPD would understand why two lone women (in formal dress, too) wouldn't want to walk back to the Quad alone under these circumstances. Wrong.

The dispatcher was annoyed, the officer openly hostile. He demanded to know why we didn't just walk, and, once we had convinced him to take us, subjected us to a lecture on wasting HUPD's time in the future. One has to wonder if HUPD would rather spend 15 minutes driving a pair of students or six months investigating their murder.