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Living in a Vicious Cycle of Guilt and Shame

Eating Disorders at Harvard

The furniture is tattered, and a lot of the art is homemade. There are a few storebought prints--one is of flowers in a flowerpot and hangs above a primitive, impressionistic crepe-paper poster also resembling a flowerpot. Distorted. Things often get distorted, like the self-images of healthy women and girls, women who think they would be worthier if only they were thinner or if they ate less or purged more.

There is literature in the room, papers and pamphlets for the counselors and visitors to read. It tells of the physical dangers of Bulimiarexia, binge eating often followed by purging through laxatives or self-induced vomiting, and Anorexia Nervosa, willful self-starvation.

It also gives disjointed figures for those affected by bulimia, which mainly strikes women and is considered the more prevalent of the two at Harvard.

Between 3.9 and 19 percent of young women are thought to suffer from the disorder.

Located in the F-entry of Quincy House, the room is the home of the Eating Concerns Hotline and Outreach (ECHO). There are two phones in the room. The 11 counselors who staff the hotline Sunday through Thursday use those phones to respond to calls from people concerned about eating problems. People who call to talk about the disorders, to ask questions about body images, to sob while the counselors listen.

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And, says one counselor who works at the hotline, the counselors spend most of their time doing just that--listening.

"Nobody wants to be judged--nobody," she says. "We don't judge. We just listen to them, and that in itself is a big thing."

Talking is especially important because bulimia and anorexia are disorders of silence. Those who suffer from them do not usually tell others about the problem, and binging and purging is often done in secret.

And experts say that although bulimia and anorexia are serious disorders in and of themselves, more often they are symptoms of other, deeper problems.

"Different people have different ways of expressing pain and anxiety," says Dr. Deborah A. Pilgrim, a counselor at the Bureau of Study Counsel who works with students with eating disorders. "[Bulimia] is certainly an expression of pain, and there are a lot of questions about why it gets expressed this way."

Part of the problem is cultural. Pilgrim says American society places too much emphasis on women's bodies, often measuring a woman's worth by her external appearance, her shape and slimness. Slimness is frequently equated with high worth.

"The hope is that if [bulimics] diet, if they lose the weight, their problems will be solved," Pilgrim said.

For the bulimic, the purge is a release of stress. It is an atonement for having indulged in eating because the bulimic feels more comfortable depriving herself.

One woman who, when asked why she binged and purged, tells a story about her father, who would fast on religious holidays. Her mother would get upset and ask him not to fast, but he would respond, "A little penance never hurt anyone."

"I guess I just think a little penance never hurt anyone," she says.

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