Yesterday, I made an appointment to talk with the NCAA basketball tournament master.

You know, that guy who decides which teams will make the Final Four. The one who decides all those upsets.

"Start speaking, kid. Time is money. McNeese State is giving me airplane tickets to Hawaii if I give 'em the go to upset Illinois in the first round. Robert Morris has been calling me all afternoon. A last-second basket to beat Arizona, they're telling me."

"What are they offering you?"

"Free passes to the NBA Finals."

"Tough choice."

"Dale Brown will make me mayor of New Orleans if I help LSU reach the Final Four. Billy Tubbs will hire me as the new football coach of Oklahoma if I give the Sooners the NCAA title. I've had a tough day, kid. This better be good."

"Let Princeton beat Georgetown Friday night in Providence."

"Hey, hold it, kid, who do you think I am? John Thompson would hunt me down. You're talking about a team that might win the championship, if I let them."

"But you owe me."

"I owe you?"

"Yeah. The N.C. State upset of Houston in the 1984 finals. The Indiana win over Syracuse in the 1987 game. The DePaul upset of St. John's in 1987. The 1986 Auburn upset victory over St. John's. Any time Ralph Sampson and Virginia was in the tournament. Michigan. Iowa. Pittsburgh. Notre Dame..."

"Okay, okay. But why should I?"

"Because think of it--the nation goes crazy over the greatest upset in the NCAA tourney. The mighty Hoyas fall to the less-than-mighty Tigers. Tigermania in March. Kit Mueller commercials. Bob Scrabis sneakers. Sen. Bill Bradley, ex-Tiger legend, will proclaim on the floor of the Senate how American the NCAA tournament is."

"What are you offering?"