I dropped by the barber shop on Monday this week, and much to my surprise, my friend, Ruby the Barber was not in. This was a very strange situation considering Ruby's attendance record over the years, and so, bright and early Tuesday stopped in again.

"It is good to see you again, my friend," Ruby said.

"Well, thank your very much," I replied, "but tell me, why is it that you are looking so dejected?"

"It is a sad day, indeed," Ruby said. "For the first time in many years I have taken a day off."

"You were sick?" I queried.

"Only sick at heart, son, only sick at heart."

"I'm sorry, Ruby," I said, "but I do not understand."

"Well, look at it this way, son. I am a barber. I have been a barber for many many years."

"This is a fact," I said, "but no explanation."

"Well, what is the chief function of a barber? I mean aside from cutting hair?"

I thought for a moment. "To keep the people of the world informed," I finally answered.

"You have placed your statement in the heart of the proverbial peanut."

"But this does not explain your dejection," I said.

"You are moving ahead too quickly, son. In order for a barber to be accepted, his comments on the world situation must be perceptive. He must have insight. But above all, his customers must have confidence in what he says. Confident that he knows more about what is going on than anyone--yes, anyone else. A barber must know more than just how to cut hair, son."

"I think I follow you, Ruby, but please go into it a little more deeply."

"Well, it all started last Saturday, son. If you remember, it was a pleasant spring day and I was standing by my chair when a high university official came in and asked for a haircut. After quickly checking my chart I noted that this particular man had not been in several months, so I naturally started off with the recent presidential decision involving Formosa."

"A perfectly natural move," I commented.

Fooey, Ruby

"Exactly. I was going along quite smoothly, just beginning to shave around the ears, when this guy started to sit up in the chair. 'What is the matter?' I said to him. 'Why are you irritated?' So he says to me, 'Ruby, he says, 'I have listened to you comment on the national scene for a number of years now, and during that time I have drunk deeply of your wisdom. Your analysis of Mr. Truman's bad points was a delight to my ears. But things are different now, Ruby, much different. We no longer have a pianist in the White House. Your superior knowledge is now in question."

"A bitter blow."

"That it was, son, that it was."

"I brushed a lock of hair from the back of my nock and shifted uneasily. "Ruby," I said, "I may have missed something in what you said, but I still do not see what this has to do with your taking Monday off."

"I flew down to Augusta to play golf last weekend, son, and I failed to break 90. My days as a barber are limited."