(Editor's Note--This is the first of a series of letters discovered by a graduate student in the stacks of Widener Library, thus proving that occasionally the stack privilege is worthy its name. The letters are unretouched and have been censored by three Methodists, a Baptist, and a Holy Roller.) April 3, 192-.

Dear Agnes,

Say dearie I can hardly wait to see you to tell you but I don't suppose I'll ever be doing that again--I mean seeing you--what with you and the hub settled down to things and a kid to listen to when the anteny is silent which is not much around this place what with bro. taking out the inside of the local Music and Noise Inc., twenty-seven fifty and to be paid for when you're caught, and so forth. But as I stood up to remark when you let fall the receiver etc. your once and always girl friend has a new one. Looks, dance--he was mayor of Charleston before Coolitch, which is no joke, and hair, dandruf, wood ware chains to keep on it. Well anyway he is now moving your's of the first inst about like nothing at all and do we see the world; we're sitting on top of it. Last night was to the Gotes club and my gawd but that man can hold his cigarete smoke--it was some time. Mamie went too, Remember Mamie. Say could you forget her. Try and do it. It was swell. And she wore the fur coat with the mange, the old one. I told her to sell it to a cleaner for shamy, but she didn't. She had a friend of Charly's, a blank check and that's no lie. He went under early, looked like a malted milk and took the count I just had to laff. I couldn't help it. So they went home and Charley made a wise crack. I can't remember what it was but it was funny because Charley laffed, he's the fifth. You know the rest get it. Ha. Ha. Anyway Charley should have bought a tent and some sand before we went home.

I told him it wasn't no last scene and my shoes hurt. It didn't even muss his hair. So he said as how his colledge was giving a dance. Guess the colledge, Ha. Ha. So I said who was they giving it to. And he said me, did I want to go. Is it a union dance I asked, remembering that my mother draws the line somewhere. No he said it was not a union dance but another kind of dance in the real colleege stile, so I said where and he said at Brattle Hall the night of the 14th. So I said will it be ruff as those club dances and he said No it wouldn't because their wouldn't be none of the clubs there. Ha. Ha. So I said yes since Harvard was getting colleege too and running a brawl like Sweeny's which is funny. And he said as times was changing and I said so was my mind about his spending the night on the front steps as the milk bottles has to have their chance. So he went home walking because he had used his last cent on the taxi. He is very generus. So your old girl friends rates a rill Harvard dance and tries out the green tafeta on the halls of lerning. Ha. Ha. It is about time that Harvard woke up and got a little bit colleege. This having a brother what goes to a correspondents school rooks the works. There dances don't come often, ha, ha, and a girl has to have some education in her life. Which makes me think (don't laff at that) about Mister Guffblawin. He gets worse and worse. He said yesterday why don't you eat your lunch before coming to which joke ha, ha, I said we call it brekfast in the better circles which held him to no gain and I walked. And the braves are coming back soon, did you know it. Alma has a cousin which is on them, though I bet he don't know half the brave stuff she does. Have you ever here her talk to a cop. I said once Alma was your old man in the army or was he a pug and she said neither he was a drummer. Can you beat that? ha. ha heard a bouncer once say to her Watch your dancing and she said to him, Watch it yourself and maybe you will lern sum thing. Ha. Ha. Well I must drop the winged word and aplie the moistened pickture. Asever, Clara.