"I doe not love ye proctore sette,

They bee a scurvey classe,

They thinke they ryde a hobbie-horse,

Whiles they doe ryde an asse."

Old English Song.TO THE EDITORS OF THE CRIMSON:-

I NEVER see a proctor go by without feeling like praying for him. To think of the depth to which some of my fellow-creatures have sunk! To think that whole, able-bodied men, some of them peradventure endowed with reason, can thus grovel in the dust, and deceive themselves in the thought that they are pursuing their duty! O Popoi! how sad! how sad! Earth does not contain a more pitiful spectacle. And I wonder if any cruel Nemesis will reduce me to such a lot, and at once a cold chill pierces my marrow, my hands involuntarily seek my pockets, and I draw my chair closer to the fire, hoping for the best.

As for me, I divide all proctors into three great classes, - the Carnivora, the Ungulates, and the Anthropoids, - and these divisions are based, not on my own observations alone, but on those of the many.

Let us consider them in order, taking the lowest class, the Carnivora, first. This class comprises all proctors of prey, and it is indeed a numerous one. Its habits are strange, and form a very interesting study, and that you may know them the better, I will mention a few of their chief characteristics. They sit around on benches and pretend to be reading, but beware, they are fooling thee! They sit on the benches, and, having pricked the newspapers they read full of pin-holes, they peep out and await their chance. It soon comes, and as a cat, from behind some garden shrub, pounces upon a poor robin picking a worm from out the earth, so pounce they upon the unsuspecting student picking a crib from out his pocket. Then internally they chuckle to themselves: "Ha, ha! he, he! they thought to escape, but we're too sharp for them."

The second class, the Ungulates, comprises all those who, having squeaking or heavy shoes, seem to be ever desirous of making all the noise possible either with said shoes or else by keeping up a constant buzzing with their tongues, like flies in fly-time. Their answers to all questions are, invariably, "You must use your own judgment about it," or, "What! you don't mean to say you don't know that? well, I am surprised!" And so they play their part.

The third and last class of this strange order of beings are the Anthropoids, i. e. those having the form and appearance of men. This is a comparatively small class, and I liken them unto the grains of wheat that fell upon stony ground, for they would seem to be capable of bringing forth fruit if they were only in their right position. We really feel for them and pity them.

Thus endeth the class of proctors, and who, I ask, wishes to enter either of the subdivisions? I pause for a reply.

C.