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It seems all too convenient that there are just as many houses as there are zodiac signs, especially because they’re both admittedly random categories that still somehow have unique vibes. We’re not sure if people will be more upset at the zodiac sign their house is assigned, or the house that their sign is associated with. But what are we here for if not to sow Housing Day discord? So, without further ado…

River West: Fire Signs

Who but River West can house the passionate energy that fire signs spend so much time trying to pass off as “leadership skills” rather than “too much for section” and “really loud at 7 a.m.”?

Kirkland: Aries

Both Aries and Kirkland will get really mad if you forget about them, so they get to be first. Only the impulsive Aries can handle a new week every week. And rams and boars are basically the same thing if you ignore everything but the horns.

Eliot: Leo

Dominant, creative, bougie: traits of Eliot, and also traits of Leos. A Leo is the perfect person to actually enjoy Fête without getting embarrassed by the sheer opulence of the ice sculptures. Also: E-LEO-t. Enough said.

Winthrop: Sagittarius

With all its common spaces recently renovated to perfection, Winthrop is the perfect house for Sagittariuses to gather and use their famed open-heartedness to gossip about how every other house sucks at IMs. They’ll also use their boundless cleverness to point out that we should have put Leo and Winthrop together because they’re both lions, to which we say, use some of that creativity to open your mind.

River East: Water Signs

Besides the obvious river/water comparison, these two groups have the same creative, friendly but mysterious vibe… what is even going on over there? Are their smiles just a facade? Are they okay?

Dunster: Cancer

Cancers can say they never leave Dunster because of its ~pristine facilities~, not because they’re scared of other people. And they can use the courtyard to gaze at the river, thinking about their feelings…

Mather: Scorpio

Introverted Scorpios will rejoice in the guaranteed singles that Mather promises them. Then they can literally judge the rest of us from above in their ivory concrete tower.

Leverett: Pisces

The biggest house is the perfect support system for the hyper-sympathetic Pisces. So many people to care too much about! So many nooks and crannies where they can space out for hours uninterrupted!

The Square: Air Signs

The intelligent, unemotional air signs don’t need river views or quiet streets to be happy. All they need is convenience. And that’s what the Square provides.

Adams: Aquarius

*Quirky* Aquarians will meet Adams’ artsy, lowkey, our-tunnels-are-cooler-than-yours vibe. “Drag Night is my favorite holiday. Also I wake up at 8:57 for my 9 a.m. classes.” — An Aquarius, probably.

Lowell: Libra

Lowell and Libras are both all about balance. They can have a squash court AND a maker space. A newly renovated building AND super nice overflow housing. TWO courtyards. Why choose?

Quincy: Gemini

As “The People’s House,” Quincy has to be as flexible and outgoing as a Gemini when every other house comes crawling for a hot breakfast. Just think of Stone Hall and New Quincy as its two faces.

The Quad: Earth Signs

Earth signs are loyal and down-to-earth, and if you’re placed in the Quad, you better learn to be those things too. Gotta stay grounded to escape the nine diss tracks that come your way each March.

Currier: Taurus

Currierites and Taureans are both stubborn — they will defend the Quad to the grave. But, they’re also dependable, just like the S-tier food at their dhall. And the constant Treehouse and Ten-Man parties will fulfill their *need for social stability* by making the instability extremely stable.

Cabot: Virgo

Perfectionist yet practical Virgos will not be disappointed in Cabot House, which is a first because Virgos are disappointed in everything. The rooms are big enough for obsessive pacing, and when they want to micromanage House Events, they can simply apply for a grant to fund them.

Pforzheimer: Capricorn

Capfricorns (pretend that works) like to keep a tight-knit circle, and Pfoho’s unrelenting house pride will match their energy! They’ll enjoy the impromptu communal study sessions in the dhall every night almost as much as they’ll like speed-walking to and from the Quad, just to prove that they can.

Basically, we’re not saying that the stars can tell you what house you’ll be placed in on that fateful day, but we’re not not saying that. Check your sun, moon, and rising, then pray to the Housing Gods