{shortcode-e4ffa82c7b11aa8627099ec49fef97d9b648d042}I’m going to be honest with you guys. Some of your coughs sound questionable. I can’t focus on my Buzzfeed quizzes in lecture because I’m thinking about which seat is the furthest away from the guy hacking out a lung in the back row. Hopefully people aren’t coming to class with Covid-19, but I’m too busy trying to figure out what type of cupcake I am to even think about the possibility of quarantine. So, for our collective peace of mind, here are some ways to let everyone know that the only thing plaguing you is your fourth pset of the week.

Wear it with pride!

There are too many button-making events at this institution to not make at least one “Covid-Negative” one. Or design a T-shirt that says “Just Allergies” and wear it all season long! When it gets colder, you can even embroider a little “N” for negative into your Canada Goose. If Hester Prynne can do it, so can you.

Send screenshots of your color.com results to the classwide groupme.

You already take the tri-weekly screenshots to send to your Covid-cautious parents. Why not expand that to the whole class? It can’t be more annoying than the same four people asking about add-drop deadlines over and over, and how else will that one girl in section know that it would be 100 percent safe to make out with you in the basement bathroom of the Science Center?

Shout it out!

This one’s pretty simple. Each time you sneeze or cough, just stand up and calmly yell, “Not Covid!” Everyone else in the Widener Reading Room will be so relieved.

Simply do not get sick.

Every time I sneeze, I just think to myself, “Does this align with my five-year plan?” And every time, the answer is no! Your pandemic-addled immune system’s got this one in the bag, so just relax and triple-mask up every time you pass a tourist caressing John Harvard’s shoe.

These tips are bound to keep everyone else from surreptitiously tightening the nose wires of their masks when you loudly sneeze into yours. And if you do test positive, at least you still have a one-of-a-kind customized Canada Goose. Stay safe out there!