1. You should really feel poorly about shopping week and the hell it wreaks on graduate students. (“Scrambling for Stability: The TF Experience at Harvard,” 2/5/15)
2. Binge-eating a pound and a half of grapes at midnight is a great recipe for nausea.
3. Heaven exists and it’s filled with artisanal cheeses. (“The Cave Man,” 11/12/15)
4. There’s always room in the magazine for more felching.
5. It is possible to craft a theatrical drama around gamefowl. (“Harvard’s Favorite Turkey,” 10/1/15)
6. People make food dishes entirely inspired by literary puns. It is a thing they do. (“Edible Book Competition,” 4/9/15)
7. The managing editor probably won’t let you print any jokes about acts of terrorism or mass shootings. It’s a shame.
8. Oftentimes, it’s okay to cry. (“Pity Party,” 9/24/15)
9. It is really weird to attempt to match make at a group photo shoot.
11. FM writers have pitiful upper body strength. (“Body by ROTC,” 2/26/15)
12. When trying to skip commitments, definitely call the person in charge and ask sheepishly.
13. Adult men say things like this: “Think about if you want to put a 200-year club at risk or gamble it on the metabolism of an 18-year-old woman… That’s what it comes down to.” (“Grad but Not Gone,” 4/9/15)
14. Don’t ever open the fridge in your office.
15. When you leave The Crimson at 9 a.m. after 40 minutes of sleep, you will be very cold and feel very intoxicated. (“Boots on the Ground: ROTC at Harvard,” 2/26/15)