...The recent warm weather has provided the first decent luck Gossip Guy’s had in months. For those gloriously balmy days, The Guy was basking in lies, smiling at rumors and frolicking in innuendo...
...Upon stumbling home late Friday night, the piss-drunk Alexander R. Jubinski ’ 03 decided to “kick a few tunes” in the common room. His roommate, Will C. Benstein ’03, was awoken shortly thereafter by what he describes as “the loudest possible music. I was surprised that the neighbors didn’t complain, but then I realized that they might have—I wouldn’t have been able to hear if the phone rang or if the cops had been banging on the door, knocked it down and violently subdued everyone in my blocking group.” Heading warily into the common room, he found Jubinski passed out on the floor, his hand touching the stereo’s volume knob. Recalls a now-hearing impaired Jubinski, “My last thought was ‘I should really turn this shit up.’”...
...The homely Brian D. Hillfor ’05 was macked on by the pretty and fit Ellen K. Schottenberg ’05 on Friday. Said his roommate, “I once saw a circus of trained gay cats catch fire, and Brian being hit on was still the strangest thing I’ve ever seen”...
...Yoko C. Christian ’04 got crazy drunk at last weekend’s Pfoho Belltower party and had to be carried back to Lowell by two of the strongest men on campus. Worried that her intensely debauched state would frighten her 14-year-old sister, who was staying with her, she ended up sleeping in the salad bar. Observers speculate that in the end it might have been less traumatic for the younger Christian if Yoko had just stumbled in at 2 a.m. instead of being escorted back at 9 the next morning, hung over and covered in bacon bits, by HUDS security officials...
...Fernando E. Daniels ’03, attempting to bring the mack to the comely Louisa K. Mackintosh ’04, ran around the bases in Cambridge Common, thereby working his awkward, girl-ignorant game in a surprisingly literal fashion. She took the opportunity to run a race of her own: the 40-meter dash into Radcliffe Yard, where she lost Daniels by crouching behind a bush. Commented Daniels, “I just don’t get that girl. I ran around the bases, for chrissakes.” Final thought: Daniels may have reached home base, but he sure struck out...
...Antonio A. Harris ’03, hosting a Kirkland party last weekend, was totally bombed by 10:30 after a 20-second hit of intensely alcoholic Franzia box wine. Declaring himself “Dr. Franzia,” Harris left his room and spent the next hour pretending to teach a class in a basement classroom. He eventually ended up sleeping in a Weld fifth-floor bathroom that he identified, after a long search, as most like his childhood bedroom. Awakened by two police officers, he declared that “school is dumb” and it was “cool if [he] missed the bus” because “dad can take [him] in the van”...
...Jeremiah T. Wagner ’03 “honestly did not understand what [Stephanie F. Dillane ’05] was talking about” when Dillane declined to hook up with him Thursday night, on the grounds of it being a weeknight. “I mean, ‘weeknight’? Seriously? And on a Thursday? What the fuck?” Apparently Friday is a weekday for those taking a courseload more strenuous than two pass/fail K-school classes and one audited Design School lecture...
